What it means to me

We Jason and I first started "dating" we were 2 very different people. Jason was the quite country boy and I was "goth." Jason was quite, didn't make waves... and was loud and rebelled against anything I could. Jason listened to country and I listened to Death Metal. Jason liked to stay close to home and I was always on the go. I had traveled all over with my family, Jason had never been out of VA. We had our own likes and dislikes, our own hobbies, and friends.
Then something changed, during our first fight we brought up everything we didn't like about each other... and I started to change. I stopped hanging out with the people that Jason didn't like, which wa all of my friends really, I stopped going out, listening to music other than country, I stopped being me.
I had always wanted to be a stay at home mom... Jason wanted me to get a job... I did. I started just hanging out at the house, and my only distraction was to read a book. Jason sat and played video games.

Last year, I found myself. While Jason and I were split up I went crazy, right back to high school... for about 6 months. I was never home, I was going to concerts, traveling, I rediscovered a love of music. I found friends that I had lost, made new ones. Then my cousin sat me down and told me I was being an idiot! I reached a balance, and I started to like who I was again.

I think that is what made Jason want to be with me again... somewhere in trying to make him happy, I had lost myself, and when I found that happy person again, I learned to be the person that Jason fell in love with in the first place. Why in our lives do we try to change people, when it is the original that we fell in love with?

When Jason left for BCT I was very worried, I had gone thru all these changes and they had worked for the best. But, Jason had never gone anywhere done anything on his own. I worried that when all was said and done he would change so much that he wouldn't want to be a part our this family anymore. This was his chance to find himself... We got lucky and while he was gone our love grew.

Jason did find himself. He made friends, had new experiences, lived a life that is all his own. He became the man that I always knew was there, that I could see when noone else could... the person that I clung to when everything was bad.

I learned that love doesn't mean being together, it means feeling each other even when you are apart. It doesn't mean needing someone, it means wanting them. Ive learned that I can stand on my own 2 feet, that I can handle life without Jason, but that I don't want to.

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you."
~Winnie the Pooh