Being a married single parent

Sometimes it annoys me that everyone thinks that Jason's job is so much harder than mine. Yes he is in the Army, yes BCT sucked ass! But, now he is at AIT. From what I can tell, the only thing that Jason has a hard time doing at AIT is standing in formation for hours... other than that, he has class from 8-4ish.. and when he isn't in formation his time is his own. He's living in a dorm, hanging out with his buddies.

Dont get me wrong... Im not really mad about this, its still part of his training... and as such something he doesn't have a choice about, I am sure that he would rather be home with us.

In the mean time... I feel like it's Jason's job to be a soldier... and my job to be everything else.

I didnt get married to be single... and I am in everything, but my heart. I know that I am married, I know that Jason love me, and that I love him, but Im alone in everything I do.

I get up in the morning and get the kids off to school, I fix breakfast, I clean the house, I take the kids to the park, I pay the bill and deal with all the debt, I get the food, I lay the kids down for naps so that I can clean some more, I kiss booboos, I get the boys off the bus and help with homework, I make the after school snacks, I sit and play with the kids and read them stories and watch them play Xbox360, I cook dinner and hear about there days, I give them tubbies, I tuck them in, and I start cleaning again. I wait for hours for Jason to call whenever he can, even when I am exhausted or sick... even for those calls that last 2 mins and he is to busy playing games or talking to other people to actually talk to me.

And, I think I am doing a good job, but it would be easier with Jason home... even tho now I have a fear of him coming home and disrupting the system we have. I would at least have that person to unwind with... to tell him that today was really hard.

As an Army wife, apparently we are not even allowed to complain about our bad days to our S/Os. They need to pay attention to what they are doing and our sob stories are just a distraction... so I tell him the happy things when he lets me, and I go to bed alone and think about all the rest alone...

I think I am just ready for Jason to come home, but at the same time. I know that will only make it worse when he leaves again... and Ill be doing this for the next 12 years...