Road to War

Went to my first FRG meeting last night. It was an information meeting about the upcoming deployment. As a new Army wife... this did not make me happy.

Hearing rumors and "knowing" that everyone deploys at some point... is not the same thing as getting a training schedule labeled "The Road to War." Jason's CO couldn't have called it a calender of events... or training schedule... NO... he had to call it (in big bold letters) the road to war. Really? Because it wasn't already scary enough just being their hearing it... now I have a reminder right there on my fridge!

I knew that this would come eventually, but when eventually hits it becomes more real, and though we are never promised tomorrow and we can get hit walking across the street ... I feel like this big ticking bomb just got placed in front of me saying... you could only have XX months left with your husband. I know that this is silly and that I should just enjoy those months that we do have left before deployment, but I cant help it.

I look across the room at my kids and my husband and think, what the heck were we thinking... no one ever dies working at Food lion! I don't want my kids to grow up without their dad... I don't want them going through the things that I went through growing up!

I guess this is where my faith in God and in my husband is going to have to come into play. I wont have time to sit and worry while Jason is gone. And, for the next few months I am going to have to start making friends, building a support system around me of people who will be going through the same things that I am.

I am just going to have to trust that my husband has trained hard enough, that his battle buddy is on Gods good side... and that his commanders are smart. And, that God looks out for all of them... and gets them through all of the upcoming training, gets them to their destinations, sees them all through in the field... and brings them home safe.

Love is Unconditional

Today’s Dare

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage

This one is so hard. I mean I understand what it is and I have always tried to love unconditionally. But, things like loving you spouse in spite of the fact that he is cheating on you, or is vacant when it comes to the marriage. That's where people hit a snag. Including me.

But, I have always LOVED Jason even when I didn't like him very much. I think that if you can love you husband with the same love that we give to our children... that's a great place to be.

"I dint love that my son is a serial killer, I love him in spite of the fact that he is a serial killer." ~Dennis Abry

This is how Unconditional love was hit home to me. My Psych teacher put it to us straight. Through that statement I can understand what it means to really love someone. To love not only when they are doing the things that you like, but when they are doing the things that you don't. And, if you can apply this to your relationship it would mean a lot less fighting, and it being easier to decide "if this is the hill you want to die on." Are those petty things that we get annoyed by really worth starting a fight over or could we just let it roll off our backs remembering to love unconditionally?

I gave Jason a back massage and had the kids all clean and sparkly and happy and calm when Jason got home from work yesterday. I got myself up and dressed to. I know that doesn't seem like a huge thing, but none of the things I can do right now are going to be huge. I'm glad that we have "small town" attitudes, because we know that its those little things that add up when you are thinking about where your relationship is at. Just like when you are unhappy all those little wrong creep into the front of your head.

Love makes Good Impressions

Today’s Dare

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

I didn't really have a problem with this. I always greet Jason with a kiss and a smile. So... not really much to report. I am glad that I am getting back to this... the girls in my book club are all WAY ahead of me now... and the longer we take to do the dare, the more relationship books we have to read. Oh well it will be ok. :)

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On another note. I decided to get up and clean the house yesterday. Mopping and all, and boy an I regretting that now. I know that I am not supposed to be on my foot, but I was just so tired of sitting in the bed.

Today I am back in the bed with my foot on pillows with Ice and lots of meds. Could be worse. The kids are being good... at least I think they are?

Catching up!

Ok, so I have been bad about this... again. This time though I have an excuse... let me explain... !he good, the bad, and the ugly!

The Good!

 We finally moved into our own house! Whoohoo! I am so happy, right now, I cant do much with it, all of our stuff is still in VA and it is going to be awhile before I can go get it... I am hoping to have my sister drive it out to us at tax time. Here are some pics!

 The balcony... where I spend all my time, cause I cant get downstairs!

 The front of the house... there is me... I ain't happy!

This is the living room/dining room/ kitchen... and some bum that came in off the street!

My closet... who could ask for more?

The Bad

My beautiful Amazing Loving... Monkey... took off for parts unknown the day we moved in. I have done everything I know of to find him, and I have not given up hope, because I don't think I will find another animal like Monkey for a long time. He is amazing with my children... Madi is still going around the house clicking for him, breaking my heart. And, I have sent Jason on at least to wild cat chases... thought I saw a cat so he chased it down to see if it was Monkey, but not yet. Keep this in your prayers, I know in the grand scheme of things praying for a cat doesn't seem important, but to us... it really really is.

The Ugly

This is my foot! A WEEK after falling down the stairs... I have two fractures in my foot... and one fracture in my ankle. I am stuck in an air cast for at least 3 week, then we decide on plaster or continued use of the air cast.. and for either 3 more or 6 more weeks... It is very painful and EXTREMELY inconvenient right now!

Love is Not Jealous

Today’s Dare

Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Today's Dare wasn't hard at all, Jason just got a promotion to an PV2... I know that doesn't sound like much to some of these ppl who have been in the Army forever... but for us that shows that Jason has made commitment and it actually following through with it. And, is able to follow his dreams. I am VERY proud of him for this, and just the fact that he chose to serve this country... and a time when most ppl are against our wars, are downing our soldiers and their sacrifice... I know because I was one of those ppl. I didn't like war, so I didn't care what we were fighting about, or who we were waging war against. It wasn't important. So, I am proud of Jason for more that just joining the Army, more than just being the breadwinner in our home, but because he opened my eyes on a subject that I didn't think I would ever care about.

Love believes the Best

Today’s Dare

For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Positive -

Kind
Will give the shirt off his back
Is a great father
Will Change Diapers
Shows me respect
Will cook dinner if I ask
Will on occasion do laundry
Shows me Love
Is great to snuggle
Has a strong sense of responsibility
Tries to include me in things he likes to do
Asks me before he does things that will affect our family
Puts up with my mother
Is tolerant of my relationship with my sister
Lets me have male friends like Gaby and Jamie
Trusts me
Loves me
Kisses just the way I like
Is attractive
Joined the Army to support us
Can be trusted to keep the kids for long periods of time
Loves our children
Wanted to be there for the birth of our kids
Was raised in a way that men were supposed to be
Has taken on a more mature role in our family
Fought very hard to fix our relationship

Negative -

Video game addiction (to the point of quiting jobs)
He had an emotional affair
He chose to leave
He chooses his family over Our family sometimes
He doesn't defend my actions
He tends to say things that are hurtful when he doesn't mean to
Sometimes he makes me feel very unattractive
Gives me the cold shoulder when he gets mad
Wont accept blame when it is his to bare
Tells me to shut up
Tells me that I talk to much
Doesn't like it when I defend my beliefs
Talks negative about my family and friends
Tells me that I need new friends whenever I hit a rough patch with one
Lays hard things in my lap, then gets angry at the choice I make
Gets mad at the kids for little things
Always thinks that nothing is wrong with our kids when there is (Madi speech/ Xavier ADHD)

Love is not irritable

TODAY'S DARE

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Things to ponder:

Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?

If I get up earlier with Jason, not only do I have time to spend with him alone, but I can make him and the kids a healthy breakfast before the kids are awake and going crazy... it will give me time to do a devotion, and to wake up with a cup of coffee, before the day becomes demanding.

If I lay the kids down at 12:30 and clean up most of today's mess, including dishes and laundry, then lay down for about an hour, I will still be rested and I will have more time to spend with my family in the afternoon.

If I make Sunday's meal, such as preparing hard boiled eggs and cooking sausage, getting together lunch prep (sandwhich stuff), and cut all of my ingredients for something like a casarole on sat. I can do all of my catch up chores on sat. Because Jason will be home to help with the kids, then I can have all day sunday to do fun things with my family. I will also be cutting off the electronics on sunday from the day that we move into the house if Jason will go for that, we can find a church home, and start to spend sunday doing things like going out to the park, or a movie, or
playing games together.

If I move dinner from 5:30 til 6:00 so that I can go to the gym for an hours before dinner, if I can get
myself healthier, I would prob be happier as a wife and mother, and the endorphin release will be good for my attitude.

- I got really mad at Jason the other day, becaue the kids were all crying at me and he was sitting there and playing the game. I think it is because I feel like I am always the one at home, and when he is home he should deal with them, but really I am the one choosing to be a stay at home mom and I shouldnt be punishing Jason for that.

Today was an odd day, I did my dare, but really it just feels like everything is the same. I am changing, but so far, Jason is not... though it is only day 5... so I am going to keep on going.

Love is not Rude

Today’s Dare

Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.

I couldnt get Jason to tell me all 3 things, but he did say that I "debate" to much, that I dont know when to stop. (IDK how to change this about myself, because I have always been taught to stand up for what I believe in) and that I should get up with him in the morning, that I can do, because I can always go back to sleep when he leaves. Those are the only things that he said bother him. I am sure that there is a whole list, but I dont think he believed me when I told him that I wasnt going to use it against him or judge him by it. (OH he also said I shed like a cat! lol)

So, even though I did todays dare I dont feel like I accomplished anything by it :(

Love is Thoughtful

Love is Thoughtful

Today’s Dare

Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she
is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them

Today's dare, kinda had to be tweaked... Jason only worked for a few hours. His Commander was there. So, I couldn't really call him at work, or text him. But, I made sure that when he came home, I asked him about his day, and actually tried to pay attention to him... I even sat with him and paid attention when he was playing W.O.W. and I even played Harvest Moon for a bit.

I am trying to take a more active roll in the things that interest him, even if it isn't something that I am interested in it. Like, video games... and his job.

Also, trying to spend more time acting like newly weds... touching more, talking more, saying I love you as often as I can. I am starting to believe that if I just think happy thoughts those happy things will happen. So, if I act more loving and happy towards my husband, he will begin to act like that as well.

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I played outside with the kids for a long time today. When we are outside and they have more room to run, I enjoy them more. I want to just be able to play with them all the time without the actual having to mother them! lol... I don't like being the bad guy, I don't like having to dole out punishments... and as soon as I am done with the love dare. I am going to work on being a better parent to my kids. After that, I am going to work on being better to me... lol.  Maybe this "challenge" presented by a member of our AMAZING book club isn't such a bad thing after all. It is opening my eyes a bit.

Here are a few pics of our adventure in the back yard...

Madi thinks she is making dinner

Xavier - the reason girls love bad boys

Jaemi showing off his "moves"

Ride it Kota

Love is not Selfish

Love is not Selfish

Today’s Dare

Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says,
“I was thinking of you today.”

Today was easier in some ways and harder in others.... Today went smoothly, other than I didnt get to give Jason his gift until long after I wanted to. The plan was when he got off of work I was supposed to pick him up, and his gift was in the front seat, well he never called, he got someone to bring him home. So, I asked him to run to the commissary with me... he wouldnt do that because it was 3 mins to 5:00 and he didnt want to have to salute the flag! Let me tell you how MAD that made me... and I wanted to yell and scream and take the dame thing back to the store! lol. But, instead, I made myself stay calm gave him a kiss and told him I would be back in a few.

 I went to the car called up a girlfriend and vented my annoyances with myself. Why should it make me so angry that I couldnt do what I wanted right then! And, I am supposed to be practicing patients and selflessness! WTF. I did do myself justice by not complaining about Jason, but about the fact that I was disappointed that he didnt want my gift (that he didnt know he was getting) right then. He was tired from work today and not getting much sleep last night... and the kids were vying for his attention.

I am proud of myself for sticking with it and in the end when I did give it to him after bedtime... he was very happy. (Though he did mention that I had just told him we couldnt spend any money.) BTW... finally got him W.O.W. and if he gets addicted to it I refrain the right to take it off the pc and break the disk into little pieces. 

Love is Kind

Love is Kind

Today’s Dare

In addition to saying nothing
negative to your spouse again today,
do at least one unexpected gesture
as an act of kindness. 

Today, even though I strive to be kind to my husband, he almost didn't allow it. Every time I attempted to do something nice for him out of the blue he would tell me not to worry about it... or that he would do it later... Unless I anticipated his needs, like making his lunch before he asked or tried to do it himself, or fixing his plate for dinner.... I did change all the diapers today after he got home from work, and attempted to keep the kids away from him for a little bit when he came home for lunch.

I didn't say anything negative to Jason today, so at least that went as planned. I also, (following the advice of the book that I am reading... Thank you Book Club!) I tried to show Jason my affection whenever there was a chance. Also, building him up, for example, when he told someone that I could draw better I made it a point to focus on his ability to draw cartoons,  while I cant. Or, when he talked about his day at work, or how he was doing in a video game... I paid attention and gave positive feedback.

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On another note, Madi, has learn so many new words since coming to GA. It amazing how being around strangers (who don't know her signs for things) made it easier for her to talk. I guess when everyone isn't anticipating what she wants and she actually has to ask... makes a difference.

Kota had a "fit" today... his first one since we came to GA... it was BAD! Kicking and Screaming for about 20 mins. I was really disappointed in him. And, I don't have any sympathy, because he brought that on himself.

Xavier had a pretty good day today, other than not taking a nap... which got him grounded to the play room... BIG punishment there!

Jaemi had a great day... with few problems for once... he was the only child that I didn't have to fuss at ALL day. Although now that it is bedtime... well that is always a struggle.

Its like my children have forgotten how to turn their brains off. And, all manners, and discipline that they did have are disappearing fast, with so many ppl around they have so many options on who they are going to listen to. They are smart enough to know... to listen to the one who lets them do what they want... I am hoping that when we get into our house they will get a little better, back on track and on schedule. Wish me luck...

with all things in my life! lol

Love is Patient

I am attempting to make changes to my marriage... by changing my own behavior toward and outlook towards my husband. I am reading a book about how to have a happy marriage, but I am also attempting the love dare, without his knowledge to see what it can do for us...

We all know that Army life is hard and even though (as I was reminded today by someone who has known me for a VERY long time) I am a strong person... sometimes I don't know if that is a good thing or not.

When my husband and I went through our time apart it was because he started talking to someone else, but why? Was it his fault? NO, he took responsibility for his own actions... for starting the emotional affair, but I needed to take the blame for my part in it... does that seem weak of me, or like I am from the 1930s? Damn straight it does, do you know why? Because those marriages LASTED. So, what was my sin in my marriage... I didn't NEED my husband anymore... and because of that we lost the love that we once felt for each other. I am learning that the wife is mostly responsible for keeping a marriage together... men are simple and don't need much, most are very forgiving. We as women need to look at our roles differently, we are not supposed to be our husbands equals, but his supporter.

OK, back to the subject at hand - The Love Dare - Day 1

Love is Patient

Today's Dare

The first part of this dare is fairly
simple. Although love is communicated
in a number of ways, our words often
reflect the condition of our heart. For
the next day, resolve to demonstrate
patience and to say nothing negative
to your spouse at all. If the temptation
arises, choose not to say anything. It’s
better to hold your tongue than to say
something you’ll regret.

I am reading the dares the night before I am supposed to do them... and reviewing them in the morning while Jason is at work.

Love is patient... ugg... really... even though this is easy. I did and will struggle with this everyday. I don't think I was born with this quality.

Every time I wanted to lose my temper with Jason today, when he did something that I had asked him to do, but wrong (not the way I would have done it). Instead of belittling him or fussing, nagging, bitching... I reminded myself of something that Jason has done right, and told him I love him... Thank you for (insert good thing here). It seemed to work, though he didn't notice. He may notice that something is different by day..... 32! lol.

"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" -Dr. Laura Schessinger

"They reflect truley typical attitudes of a preponderance of women in today's America. Since Gloria Steinem wrote that "women need men like fish need bicycles," more than a generation of women have foolishly bought that destructve nonsense and have denigrated men, marriage, familial obligation, and motherhood - all to their own detriment. Normal, healthy women yearn to be in love, married, and raising children with the man of their dreams. However, when their own mothers, much less society, tell them they dont need men to be happy, or to raise children, and that their own children don't even need a mother raising them (day care will do), it's cause many women to lose the incentive and the ability to treat their personal live with the love, dedication, sacrifice, compassion, and loyalty that will ultimately bring them happiness and a sense of purpose."

I know that it is sometimes hard for my friends to understand why I decided to put aside all of my dreams while my husband takes the wheel. Sometimes its hard for me to understand myself, but it all goes back to a radio show that I heard over the summer of 2010, before we were really struggling. It talked about how we have forgotten that if you belittle someone enough they forget that they are more than you tell them. So, we should build our husbands up... changing our mind set... If we are just thankful for the things that our husbands ARE doing... not always focusing on the things that are bad.

So, I am going to focus on making my husband a priority in my life... putting his needs first, even above my children, within reason... because you cant have happy kids, in a house where the husband and wife are not happy.



Pondering Resolutions

Everyone makes a New Year Resolution, even if they dont think that they do... just the wish that this next year will be better than the last... is a resolution...
Ive thought long and hard about my resolutions this year, since most of the things that ppl hope for are unattainable goals, or they give up on themselves so easily... forgetting to forgive their own mistakes... and instead decided to just walk around the mountain rather than climb back up it again. So, Here goes... my Resolutions...
1. I will be calmer when it comes to my childrens mistakes, accidents, and attitudes...
2. I will build my husband up, rather than tear him down.
3. I will continue to teach my children that money is not everything, and rather they should desire love and laughter.
4. I will help my children to eat healthy and maintain a healthy life stlye.
5. I will keep in touch with old friends, and make new ones.
6. I will talk with and listen to my children, just a little more than I did last year.
7. I will be a better friend
8. I will get healthier... to lead by example.
9. I will have "me" time even if only to walk around the blick in the middle of the night.
10. I will go out with my husband 1 time atleast every 6 weeks, just for us.
11. I will go to Atlanta to the Zoo and Aquarium, and to Disney before we leave Savannah.
12. I will keep my faith in God, and take my family to church so that they can grow in faith as well.
So, heres to hoping that I can keep my resolutions and better myself just a little each day because,
2011 is washed away and 2012 is on the way.

24 reasons to give Thanks - Thanksgiving Note

Ive been really bad about posting the things I am thankful for everyday... so I and going to make a list of 24 things I am thankful for instead. I am thankful...
for my husband, who gave up his wants and needs to support his family and his country.
for my kids, who teach me something new everyday.
for my family, who loves me even when they dont love the things that I do.
for my inlaws, who help me when I ask, and stand up for me when I dont.
for grandparents that are, but didnt have to be.
for my friends, for loving me thru the hard times and accepting me the way I am.
for neighbors, who were willing to treat me like family and look out for me.
for my teachers, however many there have been. For the knowledge that they attempted to share with me.
for times that I have been broke, because it has taught me the worth of a dollar.
For times that I have had a little extra to share with those who needed it more.
for rain, that makes me crave the sun.
for late night/good times, that make me wake up with a smile.
for seperations that bring you closer
for warm days in the winter, that make us look forward to spring.
for fights that help to clear the air, and give your relationship a chance to grow.
for knowing love in so many ways shapes and forms. Some for a short time, some for life.
for gossip, it brings out the best in some, the worst in others, but always keeps us entertained.
for FB, that has brought me family and friends that were long lost, and gave us an easy way to keep in touch.
for oddles of noodles, which fed me for so long, when I didnt have money for anything else.
for telemarketers, I answer the phone less and spend more time with my kids.
For country wide economic strife, which causes revolution... and brings about change.
for "High School" stories, which show me how far I have come and how much I have changed.
for my pets, who I can cry at while no one is looking.
for change, because who wants to stay the same forever?
for the things that challenge me, because I get a chance to push myself.