Fatal Attraction

Jason is home from AIT, we have 3 weeks to move to HAAF and I dont have a clue what I am doing, we have a cookout today for about 50 ppl and that is just stressin me out as well! But more than anything else is this...

I am a very sexual person. And, Jason always has been too... so what the hell happened?

First week home we should be all over each other, but the truth is its like he just doesnt want to. I have to force myself on him... and even then he finds a way to walk away... yes... we have had sex since he came home, but only once... and its not like hes coming home from war and just needs time to adjust.

So, now instead of being happy that he is home, I am resentful... and I dont know if its of him... or of me. And, its not like this is something that I can talk to him about.

Here I am trying my damndest to support him in something that I dont believe in at at... ugg... and leaving my friends and family to follow him to another state. Where I will be completely absorbed in this life 24/7 and I know that atleast until he is out I am going to loose myself... and with all of this... Im also not going to have a sex life?

I mean damn... did my fears come true and now that he got into shape Im not attractive to him anymore because Im not... maybe he jsut got so used to looking at girls of that body type? Its just sad that this should bother me so much, concidering that I know that we can make it without having sex at all, since weve done it this long, but I also believe that that physical side of things is also important to a marriage...

I jsut feel like maybe, even tho I love my hubby and I would never voice this outload, but what if I was wrong... maybe I just should have let Jason sit at home doing nothing for the rest of his life... atleast then I felt good about myself. I just dont know... this really blows.