Road to War

Went to my first FRG meeting last night. It was an information meeting about the upcoming deployment. As a new Army wife... this did not make me happy.

Hearing rumors and "knowing" that everyone deploys at some point... is not the same thing as getting a training schedule labeled "The Road to War." Jason's CO couldn't have called it a calender of events... or training schedule... NO... he had to call it (in big bold letters) the road to war. Really? Because it wasn't already scary enough just being their hearing it... now I have a reminder right there on my fridge!

I knew that this would come eventually, but when eventually hits it becomes more real, and though we are never promised tomorrow and we can get hit walking across the street ... I feel like this big ticking bomb just got placed in front of me saying... you could only have XX months left with your husband. I know that this is silly and that I should just enjoy those months that we do have left before deployment, but I cant help it.

I look across the room at my kids and my husband and think, what the heck were we thinking... no one ever dies working at Food lion! I don't want my kids to grow up without their dad... I don't want them going through the things that I went through growing up!

I guess this is where my faith in God and in my husband is going to have to come into play. I wont have time to sit and worry while Jason is gone. And, for the next few months I am going to have to start making friends, building a support system around me of people who will be going through the same things that I am.

I am just going to have to trust that my husband has trained hard enough, that his battle buddy is on Gods good side... and that his commanders are smart. And, that God looks out for all of them... and gets them through all of the upcoming training, gets them to their destinations, sees them all through in the field... and brings them home safe.

Love is Unconditional

Today’s Dare

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage

This one is so hard. I mean I understand what it is and I have always tried to love unconditionally. But, things like loving you spouse in spite of the fact that he is cheating on you, or is vacant when it comes to the marriage. That's where people hit a snag. Including me.

But, I have always LOVED Jason even when I didn't like him very much. I think that if you can love you husband with the same love that we give to our children... that's a great place to be.

"I dint love that my son is a serial killer, I love him in spite of the fact that he is a serial killer." ~Dennis Abry

This is how Unconditional love was hit home to me. My Psych teacher put it to us straight. Through that statement I can understand what it means to really love someone. To love not only when they are doing the things that you like, but when they are doing the things that you don't. And, if you can apply this to your relationship it would mean a lot less fighting, and it being easier to decide "if this is the hill you want to die on." Are those petty things that we get annoyed by really worth starting a fight over or could we just let it roll off our backs remembering to love unconditionally?

I gave Jason a back massage and had the kids all clean and sparkly and happy and calm when Jason got home from work yesterday. I got myself up and dressed to. I know that doesn't seem like a huge thing, but none of the things I can do right now are going to be huge. I'm glad that we have "small town" attitudes, because we know that its those little things that add up when you are thinking about where your relationship is at. Just like when you are unhappy all those little wrong creep into the front of your head.

Love makes Good Impressions

Today’s Dare

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

I didn't really have a problem with this. I always greet Jason with a kiss and a smile. So... not really much to report. I am glad that I am getting back to this... the girls in my book club are all WAY ahead of me now... and the longer we take to do the dare, the more relationship books we have to read. Oh well it will be ok. :)

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On another note. I decided to get up and clean the house yesterday. Mopping and all, and boy an I regretting that now. I know that I am not supposed to be on my foot, but I was just so tired of sitting in the bed.

Today I am back in the bed with my foot on pillows with Ice and lots of meds. Could be worse. The kids are being good... at least I think they are?

Catching up!

Ok, so I have been bad about this... again. This time though I have an excuse... let me explain... !he good, the bad, and the ugly!

The Good!

 We finally moved into our own house! Whoohoo! I am so happy, right now, I cant do much with it, all of our stuff is still in VA and it is going to be awhile before I can go get it... I am hoping to have my sister drive it out to us at tax time. Here are some pics!

 The balcony... where I spend all my time, cause I cant get downstairs!

 The front of the house... there is me... I ain't happy!

This is the living room/dining room/ kitchen... and some bum that came in off the street!

My closet... who could ask for more?

The Bad

My beautiful Amazing Loving... Monkey... took off for parts unknown the day we moved in. I have done everything I know of to find him, and I have not given up hope, because I don't think I will find another animal like Monkey for a long time. He is amazing with my children... Madi is still going around the house clicking for him, breaking my heart. And, I have sent Jason on at least to wild cat chases... thought I saw a cat so he chased it down to see if it was Monkey, but not yet. Keep this in your prayers, I know in the grand scheme of things praying for a cat doesn't seem important, but to us... it really really is.

The Ugly

This is my foot! A WEEK after falling down the stairs... I have two fractures in my foot... and one fracture in my ankle. I am stuck in an air cast for at least 3 week, then we decide on plaster or continued use of the air cast.. and for either 3 more or 6 more weeks... It is very painful and EXTREMELY inconvenient right now!

Love is Not Jealous

Today’s Dare

Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Today's Dare wasn't hard at all, Jason just got a promotion to an PV2... I know that doesn't sound like much to some of these ppl who have been in the Army forever... but for us that shows that Jason has made commitment and it actually following through with it. And, is able to follow his dreams. I am VERY proud of him for this, and just the fact that he chose to serve this country... and a time when most ppl are against our wars, are downing our soldiers and their sacrifice... I know because I was one of those ppl. I didn't like war, so I didn't care what we were fighting about, or who we were waging war against. It wasn't important. So, I am proud of Jason for more that just joining the Army, more than just being the breadwinner in our home, but because he opened my eyes on a subject that I didn't think I would ever care about.

Love believes the Best

Today’s Dare

For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Positive -

Kind
Will give the shirt off his back
Is a great father
Will Change Diapers
Shows me respect
Will cook dinner if I ask
Will on occasion do laundry
Shows me Love
Is great to snuggle
Has a strong sense of responsibility
Tries to include me in things he likes to do
Asks me before he does things that will affect our family
Puts up with my mother
Is tolerant of my relationship with my sister
Lets me have male friends like Gaby and Jamie
Trusts me
Loves me
Kisses just the way I like
Is attractive
Joined the Army to support us
Can be trusted to keep the kids for long periods of time
Loves our children
Wanted to be there for the birth of our kids
Was raised in a way that men were supposed to be
Has taken on a more mature role in our family
Fought very hard to fix our relationship

Negative -

Video game addiction (to the point of quiting jobs)
He had an emotional affair
He chose to leave
He chooses his family over Our family sometimes
He doesn't defend my actions
He tends to say things that are hurtful when he doesn't mean to
Sometimes he makes me feel very unattractive
Gives me the cold shoulder when he gets mad
Wont accept blame when it is his to bare
Tells me to shut up
Tells me that I talk to much
Doesn't like it when I defend my beliefs
Talks negative about my family and friends
Tells me that I need new friends whenever I hit a rough patch with one
Lays hard things in my lap, then gets angry at the choice I make
Gets mad at the kids for little things
Always thinks that nothing is wrong with our kids when there is (Madi speech/ Xavier ADHD)

Love is not irritable

TODAY'S DARE

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Things to ponder:

Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?

If I get up earlier with Jason, not only do I have time to spend with him alone, but I can make him and the kids a healthy breakfast before the kids are awake and going crazy... it will give me time to do a devotion, and to wake up with a cup of coffee, before the day becomes demanding.

If I lay the kids down at 12:30 and clean up most of today's mess, including dishes and laundry, then lay down for about an hour, I will still be rested and I will have more time to spend with my family in the afternoon.

If I make Sunday's meal, such as preparing hard boiled eggs and cooking sausage, getting together lunch prep (sandwhich stuff), and cut all of my ingredients for something like a casarole on sat. I can do all of my catch up chores on sat. Because Jason will be home to help with the kids, then I can have all day sunday to do fun things with my family. I will also be cutting off the electronics on sunday from the day that we move into the house if Jason will go for that, we can find a church home, and start to spend sunday doing things like going out to the park, or a movie, or
playing games together.

If I move dinner from 5:30 til 6:00 so that I can go to the gym for an hours before dinner, if I can get
myself healthier, I would prob be happier as a wife and mother, and the endorphin release will be good for my attitude.

- I got really mad at Jason the other day, becaue the kids were all crying at me and he was sitting there and playing the game. I think it is because I feel like I am always the one at home, and when he is home he should deal with them, but really I am the one choosing to be a stay at home mom and I shouldnt be punishing Jason for that.

Today was an odd day, I did my dare, but really it just feels like everything is the same. I am changing, but so far, Jason is not... though it is only day 5... so I am going to keep on going.